We have all heard of the Golden Rule-and many people aspire
to live by it. The Golden Rule is not a panacea. Think about
it: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
The Golden Rule implies the basic assumption that other people
would like to be treated the way that you would like to be treated.
The
alternative to the Golden Rule is the Platinum Rule:
"Treat
others the way they want to be treated." Ah hah! What
a difference. The Platinum Rule accommodates the feelings
of others. The focus of relationships shifts from "this
is what I want, so I'll give everyone the same thing"
to "let me first understand what they want and then
I'll give it to them."
A
Modern Model For Chemistry
The
goal of The Platinum Rule is personal chemistry and productive
relationships. You do not have to change your personality.
You do not have to roll over and submit to others. You simply
have to understand what drives people and recognize your
options for dealing with them.
The
Platinum Rule divides behavioral
preferences into four basic styles:
- Director
- Socializer
- Relater
- Thinker
Everyone
possesses the qualities of each style to various degrees
and everyone has a dominant style. For the sake of simplicity,
this article will focus only on dominant styles.
Directors
Directors
are driven by two governing needs: to control and achieve.
Directors are goal-oriented go-getters who are most comfortable
when they are in charge of people and situations. They want
to accomplish many things-now-so they focus on no-nonsense
approaches to bottom-line results.
Directors
seek expedience and are not afraid to bend the rules. They
figure it is easier to beg forgiveness than to ask permission.
Directors accept challenges, take authority, and plunge
head first into solving problems. They are fast-paced, task-oriented,
and work quickly and impressively by themselves, which means
they become annoyed with delays.
Directors
are driven and dominating, which can make them stubborn,
impatient, and insensitive to others. Directors are so focused
that they forget to take the time to smell the roses.
Socializers
Socializers are friendly, enthusiastic "party-animals"
who like to be where the action is. They thrive on the admiration,
acknowledgment, and compliments that come with being in
the lime-light.
The
Socializer's primary strengths are enthusiasm, charm, persuasiveness,
and warmth. They are idea-people and dreamers who excel
at getting others excited about their vision. They are eternal
optimists with an abundance of charisma. These qualities
help them influence people and build alliances to accomplish
their goals.
Socializers
do have their weaknesses: impatience, an aversion to being
alone, and a short attention span. Socializers are risk-takers
who base many of their decisions on intuition, which is
not inherently bad. Socializers are not inclined to verify
information; they are more likely to assume someone else
will do it.
Thinkers
Thinkers
are analytical, persistent, systematic people who enjoy
problem-solving. Thinkers are detail-oriented, which makes
them more concerned with content than style. Thinkers are
task-oriented people who enjoy perfecting processes and
working toward tangible results. They're always in control
of their emotions and may become uncomfortable around people
who very out-going, e.g., Socializers.
Thinkers
have high expectations of themselves and others, which can
make them over-critical. Their tendency toward perfectionism-taken
to an extreme-can cause "paralysis by over-analysis."
Thinkers are slow and deliberate decision-makers. They do
research, make comparisons, determine risks, calculate margins
of error, and then take action. Thinkers become irritated
by surprises and glitches, hence their cautious decision-making.
Thinkers are also skeptical, so they like to see promises
in writing.
Relaters
Relaters
are warm and nurturing individuals. They are the most people-oriented
of the four styles. Relaters are excellent listeners, devoted
friends, and loyal employees. Their relaxed disposition
makes them approachable and warm. They develop strong networks
of people who are willing to be mutually supportive and
reliable. Relaters are excellent team players.
Relaters
are risk-aversive. In fact, Relaters may tolerate unpleasant
environments rather than risk change. They like the status
quo and become distressed when disruptions are severe. When
faced with change, they think it through, plan, and accept
it into their world. Relaters-more than the other types-strive
to maintain personal composure, stability, and balance.
In the office, Relaters are courteous, friendly, and willing
to share responsibilities. They are good planners, persistent
workers, and good with follow-through.
Relaters
go along with others even when they do not agree because
they do not want to rock the boat.
Relaters
are slow decision-makers for several reasons:
1)
their need for security;
2)
their need to avoid risk;
3)
their desire to include others in the decision-making process.
Adapting
To Directors
Directors
are very time-sensitive, so never waste their time. Be organized
and get to the point. Give them bottom-line information
and options, with probabilities of success, if relevant.
Give them written details to read at their leisure.
Directors
are goal-oriented, so appeal to their sense of accomplishment.
Stroke their egos by supporting their ideas, and acknowledge
their power and prestige. Let Directors call the shots.
If you disagree, argue with facts, not feelings. In groups,
allow them to have their say because they are not the type
who will take a back-seat to others.
With
Directors, in general, be efficient and competent.
Adapting
To Socializers
Socializers
thrive on personal recognition, so pour it on sincerely.
Support their ideas, goals, opinions, and dreams. Try not
to argue with their pie-in-the-sky visions; get excited
about them.
Socializers
are social-butterflies, so be ready to flutter around with
them. A strong presence, stimulating and entertaining conversation,
jokes, and liveliness will win them over. They are people-oriented,
so give them time to socialize. Avoid rushing into tasks.
With
Socializers, in general, be interested in them.
Adapting
To Thinkers
Thinkers
are time-disciplined, so be sensitive to their time. They
need details, so give them data. Support Thinkers in their
organized, thoughtful approach to problem-solving. Be systematic,
logical, well-prepared, and exact with them. Give them time
to make decisions and work independently. Allow them to
talk in detail.
In
work groups, do not expect Thinkers to be leaders or outspoken
contributors, but do rely on them to conduct research, crunch
numbers, and perform detailed foot-work for the group. If
appropriate, set guidelines and exact deadlines. Thinkers
like to be complimented on their brain-power, so recognize
their contributions accordingly.
With
Thinkers, in general, be thorough, well-prepared, detail-oriented,
business-like, and patient.
Adapting
To Relaters
Relaters
are relationship-oriented, want warm and fuzzy relationships,
so take things slow, earn their trust, support their feelings,
and show sincere interest. Talk in terms of feelings, not
facts, which is the opposite of the strategy for Thinkers.
Relaters don't want to ruffle feathers. They want to be
assured that everyone will approve of them and their decisions.
Give them time to solicit co-workers' opinions. Never back
a Relater into a corner. It is far more effective to apply
warmth to get this chicken out of its egg than to crack
the shell with a hammer.
With
Relaters, in general, be non threatening and sincere.
The
Platinum Rule provides powerful life-skills that will serve
you well in all your relationships: business, friends, family,
spouse, and children. Improved relationships create infinite
possibilities. Sometimes I think of John Lennon's song,
"Imagine." One of the verses could be, "Imagine
there's no conflict, it's easy if you try."
What's
Your Behavioral Style?
Are You a Director, Thinker,
Relater, or Socializer?
Have you ever wondered why you
hit it off with some people immediately, while with others
it's like oil and water? That's because there are four primary
behavioral styles, each with a very distinct and predictable
pattern of observable behavior. Once you understand these
patterns, you have the key to unlock your ability to get along
with nearly anyone.
Completing the questionnaire
below will only take 3-5 minutes to learn what makes you tick.
Once completed, you will receive your in-depth Platinum
Rule™ Report. It will describe your behavioral tendencies
in your interactions with others on the job, with your friends
and family, and even with your partner. And that's not the
half of it! It also provides action plans on how you can get
along better with your boss, your friends and family, and
your partner. At first, you'll be stunned how effortlessly
you can get along with anybody.
For $49.95, you will receive:
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